#MeToo : Don't be Distracted

A lot of sound and fury generated over the #metoo movement misses a fundamental point.

To me, the #metoo movement is an indication of changing times and mindsets. It is a signal of increasingly more confident, articulate and brave women who are finally getting into their own and deciding on their own terms. Yes, it is primarily a movement of urban, educated women - but so what, if it gathers steam and it has and if it sustains it would eventually reach every nook and corner.

Many don't get it - that #metoo is about the recognition of the fact that getting sexual favours because of your position of authority or power is a no-no. It is also an assertion that a few more pillars of male domination have started to crumble. It is a manifestation of how deep and wide this mindset has purveyed in our society. Most of us know that such skeletons exist in the corporate world too and so this movement is the confidence needed by those ladies who are under constant pressure to allow, ignore and tolerate male voyeurism.

Don't women take advantage of they being women to win favours and promotions? 
Yes, probably many do. That's not the point. Many women don't. Because many do - it does not make every woman available. Men can decide not to give those favours too. So, when we make it sound as if men did nothing wrong when a woman used her feminine charms to win favours from him, it is disgusting whataboutery.

Aren't many women using this opportunity to settle scores, destroy reputation unfairly or simply trying to get their few weeks of limelight or publicity? Yes, it must be true in many cases - but by far, look at those women who came out and spoke or wrote about male harassment. Many of them are well entrenched in their careers, have a family and reputation of their own and their families. Would all of them put all that on stake to achieve one or more of the above aims. I severely doubt that. The trouble is that not all cases are same - in fact each one of them probably is unique.

But why now. What were they doing for decades? If they had any honour they should have walked out of such jobs immediately or should have complained earlier. This is like saying Nehru should have managed better. It is impossible to understand those times, contexts and constraints. Instead of questioning the timing let's focus on truth. If their stories are true - does it matter that it came out so late. Should the perpetrators be not questioned because these are crimes committed years back.

But what if some unsuspecting and innocent men are targeted and their reputation destroyed? That is a nutty question. From what I have read of the many accounts (and I must have read close to 50 plus by now) most of them sound fairly true. IMO this movement should continue despite the risk of smearing a few innocent reputation and lives. Of Course those spearheading the movement need to do their due diligence before a story is publicised. The male in question also need to come out honestly and deny/accept the extent of allegations against them. Till now Varun, Chetan Bhagat and Siddharth Bhatia were swift and categorical in their denial/acceptance and so there are reasons to believe that they may have been targeted. But many others like MJ Akbar, Subhash Ghai, Alok Nath, Vinod Dua to name a prominent few have kept studied silence or have rambled some incongruities making the allegation look all the more credible. Of this MJA has finally responded.

The most ridiculous of the response has come from our junior minister of External Affairs. While he says the allegation are lies - he names it a political conspiracy. It is such a weak argument. 15 women have come out with their stories against his predatory style. They are from various contexts from fairly young to now middle aged and beyond. Almost all have similar signature style of advances made - if it is a political conspiracy, whoever organised he/she is a genius. No sir, it most probably isn't a political conspiracy.

His response to the allegation makes the stories against him more credible. Out of 14 stories that came out before he responded - he has filed criminal defamation against just one. Only two possible interpretations exist - one, at least the other 13 have some grain of truth in their stories; two, the filing of defamation is a intimidatory tactic to shut others up and to prevent this initial flow to become an avalanche.

While we are at it - we need to make a fine difference between sexual harassment and adventurous flirts. From all accounts available - chetan bhagat made flirtatious advances to a couple of females. But in all probability he did not stalk or harass them when they were not interested. That makes his act socially inappropriate, awkward for his personal relations, even stupid in some degrees. But it is by far not harassment. Morale of the story - let the #metoo movement not take the fun out of relationships.

The most important thing to learn from #metoo movement is that consent is everything. It doesn't matter what the character of women in question is, it doesn't matter if they are urban, educated and modern women with choices, it doesn't matter if they drink, smoke, party, stay late at nights. What matters is that when they say no, men need to stop.

Think about it this way - as a man, you don't want a relationship with a woman - can/should she force it and you would be ok with that. It's an uncomfortable question but the days are not far when male harassment will be a reality. Men should frame the rules in a more balanced fashion.

All in all the movement should bravely stand in front of male entitlement and must try to ensure that it is not derailed by over enthusiasm or by jealous pursuit of vengeance or by persona targeting.